Two Years!

Seattle. February 2012

It's been a while since I visited this ol' blog. For anyone who was following along or waiting patiently for new words I sincerely apologize. I know that blogs similar to this one where of great help to me when I was trying to make the decision to have bypass surgery. In fact, this blog of mine, the outlet of writing and sharing, it really helped me get through not only the decision but the recovery and first year post-surgery. I have had almost unanimous support from everyone in my life in regards to my surgery and quest for a healthier life, but sometimes I had to look deep within myself and then let out what it was I found in there.


Will I return to this blog on a regular basis? I don't know. I hope not to abandon it completely, as my journey to a smaller picture certainly continues. However, I think that I have realized in the last year that there is always a time to move forward. Since my last entry in March 2011 I think I have done just that - I really jumped back in life. It's incredible how much life can put one person through in a matter of 12 months. I suppose that is why it seems that time rushes by at such baffling speeds...


I'm very happy say that the last year, though filled with a few downs, has been a great one. This includes my health of course, as it really has become something that is in the forefront of my life. The difference between now and three years ago, however, is that I have ingrained being healthier into my being. The shadow of fear that comes along with the idea of losing so much weight has passed, as well as things like being afraid of what others may think if I stepped on a treadmill at my weight - which seems silly now.


As I've lightened up I have had a lot of this little revelations... things that, while overweight (and having been such for 30 years) I didn't realize at the time; anxiety about having to walk around to explore a new city (I have always lobed to travel, but exploration anxieties don't happen anymore - though I didn't realize I had them until now...), the ability to comfortable sleep on my back (the weight on my midsection used to lay back on my neck and make it harder to breath), and even the idea that I am more comfortable in a pair of sneakers (I used to wear larger shoes sizes to compensate for a) width because of weight and b) to make my feet look more proportional to the size of my body - stupid, yes).


Does this mean I'm perfect with this now? Fuck no. I believe that it's important for me to be able to admit that too. I have my vices... I drink Coke Zero way more than I should, considering I'm not supposed to drink soda at all. I probably enjoy Starbucks and chocolate more often than I should... Sometimes I eat more than I should or eat things that I know are bad for me and my smaller stomach that processes sugars and fats differently. Sometimes I go several days, even a week without going to the gym. Life is fucking hard sometimes. I'm fucking lazy sometimes. The difference, my friends, is that now I am aware of this. I am aware of when my body needs to be worked out or when I'm taking in too much of a bad thing and I can, most times, stop and adjust. That, in and of itself, is something I have only really learned to do - regarding food and my body - in the last two years.


So, two years later and my current weight hovers between 275 and 280. Officially We'll say 277. When I started preparing for bypass surgery I was at 452. In 2005, shortly after Tess an I got married, I was at my highest known weight of 488 pounds. Considering those numbers (174 down since surgery, 210 down since my marriage) I am incredibly happy with where I am today.


Am I done. Absolutely not. I certainly have more fat on my body to lose. I have more muscle to gain (I have to admit that I love the idea that I'm "buffing up" a little :P). I am now faced with other questions.. like what am I going to do about my extra skin, if anything? But hey, I look at it like this; it took me 30 year to get as big as I was. I think I've done really well in the last two years and seeing that my life is different in regards to health, check me out in a few more years.


Finally, I want to give a sincere thank you to all of my family and friends for your incredible support this past two years. Your encouragement means the world and helps me to push forward. I love you all!