I hated how I looked on my wedding day.Fortunately it just happened to be one of the most beautiful, amazing days of my life. The joy of the time really helped me overcome the fact that I felt like a fucking penguin in my tuxedo. On top of the fact that I was having a Danny DeVito (in Batman… hardee-har) complex, the shirt that came with the rented tux had a collar that was about four sized too big, making my tie look ridiculous. I had major self-esteem issues that day – beaten down only by the fact that my wife looked absolutely amazing and she was marrying me.
She married me…
At the time I did not know how much I weighed. It was not until a few months later when Tess made me go to the doctor for a long over-due physical exam that I learned I was at my top know weight: 488 pounds. So, to the best of my knowledge, that was my weight at the time I married Tess.
Terrible.
Tomorrow morning we leave for Tess’ little sister’s wedding. Same location – at her parent’s home at the base of the Grand Mesa in Cedaredge – a beautiful home and the perfect place for a wedding. I’m a groomsman for my future brother-in-law, Jeezy.
This evening my scale told me that I am down 77 pounds since my surgery, putting me at 375 even. I am greater than 100 pounds lighter than I was during my wedding almost five years ago – and how it shows.
I will be wearing black slacks and a black dress shirt that I purchased at JC Penny last week. Yes, I still had to get the shirt in the big & tall section, but the sizes are getting smaller. I tried this dressy get-up on, because dressing up is not something I enjoy doing as a large man. I have to say I looked pretty darn good.
Oh, how I wish I could give my wife a wedding as beautiful as ours at the weight I am now. Or just think – the weight I will be a year from now…
I’m sorry, Tessa.
When I think about the way I was almost five years ago, it makes me sad. I can only take pride in the fact that I have done, and am continuing to finally do something good for my body.
Knowing that my wife and I will be dressed up and sharing another wedding at the same place we shared ours makes me smile. I’m smaller now, and am feeling better about how I look to the world – and it’s only getting better.
I’ll post a picture upon our return. I know I will be looking forward to having a camera pointed at me this time around.
I definitely know how you feel! I'm excited for you and hope you enjoy this wedding!! Can't wait to see pictures!
ReplyDeleteI just moved to Cheyenne for a few months while i find a job in Denver, so I'd totally love to hang out sometime!
Hey Jim, this is Stephanie Brooks from high school and Peace Jam. I just wanted to let you know that I've been enjoying reading about this journey you're taking. I always knew you had a beautiful head and heart, and I think it is fitting to match those up with a strong healthy body. You are inspirational. Thank you for writing about it. :)
ReplyDeleteI also just wanted to say that I just got married 10 days ago, and I'm still kind of on a high from it. Wedding days are filled with magic and even though I know you know this, love conquers all outward appearance. My man looked good to me, but it is that love-magic that makes your partner look amazing and I'm sure Tess saw that on your wedding day even if you weren't feeling it. But, I also was just looking at some pictures of a friend's vow renewal and that might be a kind of reward for all your hard work in a year or two when your body matches up to the way you'd like to see yourself. You guys could get snazzed up, take some pretty pictures, and feel even more authentic than the first time around.
Jennifer - sorry I have not talked to you in so long. Life has been so busy! Glad to hear you're getting closer to CO and of course I would love to hang out!
ReplyDeleteStephanie - Great to hear from you and thank you so much for the kind words. It's so very encouraging. And the idea of a renwal is great and a definite posibility! :)